My Christmas Lie

I would like to begin by justiclarifying: it was for the children.  

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Here’s what happened:

Like most of the country, the Pacific Northwest suffered a fair amount of bad weather.  Enough to truly justify late starts and school closures.  In our neck of the woods, folks don’t just run to the store on a whim. Unless there’s no beer.

Whether or not school would be open for the class party were questionable.  Either way; it quickly became the day before the Christmas break.  My hubby drove, cabin fever spiking an all time high.

I had an easy list: plain cards, stick-on gems and different colored paint samples for 50 students. (Pinterest:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/259519997256699047).

Dollar Fillintheblank, here we come!

Said everyone. 😶

No plain envelopes. Only red and green sticky gems left, but that works!

After finding the perfect sticker packet with 24 snowman gems, the game was afoot.  One more packet and this task is checked off.  After 20 minutes of searching, I finally ask the checkout clerk while ringing up.

After a perfunctory glance at the product and myself, the answer?  “Sorry.”

Naturally.scrollsIt’s okay, the next one-stop shop will have cards and paint samples! With Hubby’s uncanny skill of getting a parking spot up front,  we ran in with a list and a mission.

Like everyone else.  😑

Utilizing my ninja skills, we navigate through the crowd to hardware.  Within 10 minutes, a fat stack of sample cards rested in my hands.

paint-sample-cards

Mental Math: If you have 50 students each making 1 card with 4 -5 trees; how many paint samples will you need to make the trees?  Depends on how many samples fit in your purse!

My sweetie wandered away, leaving the mostly empty cart.  Soon, my bladder began crying for mercy, so  I place the samples in our cart and park it to the side.  I ninja’d my way to the bathroom.

On my way back to hardware, I venture through stationary for the plain cards.  No. Plain. Cards. Seriously??

No plain cards = making cards at home.

Tonight.

After cutting trees out of paint samples.  

I feel the clock ticking and I begin searching for Hubby on my way back to the cart.  Only to find two employees putting the paint samples back!!

“Nooo!!!”, I cry from at least 20′ away.  Out of the cornier of my eye, I see Hubby casually walking away, his face white in mortification.

 

Holding the nearly 3/4” high stack of samples, the senior employee replies, “Ma’am, we usually don’t allow this amount of samples per customer. Why would you need them all?”

 

And here it comes.

My Christmas spirit bows under the pressure and I frantically reply, “Because you need one for each wall, of course! Colors change depending on the amount of light and I have a whole house to do!!”

It was a Hail Mary, we-are-on-a-roll-and-you-are-in-my-way move.

Holding my breath while his mental wheels turned in disbelief; I smile graciously while he decides if this is the battle to win today.  Phew!

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Everything. Is. Done.

My awesomesauce Hubby folded cards until 11:30, bless him!

I crawl into bed close to 1 a.m.

Aaaand, school is cancelled.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Be gracious, grateful, and giving.  That’s the real spirit of Christmas.

~Yvette

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Watch “Bed Sheets – Simon’s Cat” on YouTube

Holiday stuff abounds, keeping me away from writing.  After a wee bit more research, I’ve managed to set up a second email and a comment page, a coup for this illiterate techie. 🎆🙌👏

Okay, it’s a possible the comment page.  May have to double check that tomorrow, jic.  

Meanwhile, please enjoy Simon’s Cat while work is in progress. It is free, kid friendly and mother approved.

Keep warm, everyone!  It’s starting to feel like winter out there❄⛄❄~Y

Jane Fonda, You Blew It Again.

​So sad, frustrated, angry and now scared for my hometown (Bismarck /Mandan ND).  Please read and share:

standingrockfactchecker.org

with everyone you know. The videos you are seeing on line are NOT showing you the truth!!

As soon as the celebrities go home, the “protesters” terrorize private land owners by trespassing with masks.  Yes, masks!! How peaceful is that?

Thanksgiving morning, our family and friends’ phones all went off to WARN against the protesters.  Another major interstate was blocked in the name of injustice.

The true injustice is that everything being reported is FALSE.  If groups like Black Lives Matter did any homework, they would find themselves in an embarrassing situation. Race is not a factor. If it was, it wouldn’t have anything to do with African Americans!

But it’s not about race. Or money. Or rights. Or sacred burial grounds (there are none in the area in question). Here are some facts:

  • Groups throughout the US that have nothing to do with anything related to Standing Rock are flying in by the plane loads, buying out camping equipment from Target, Walmart, et all.
  • The tribal council at Standing Rock voted 9 out of 10 to ask the protesters to leave. The protestors refused.
  • The”protesters” are terrorizing locals by wearing masks, shooting guns, starting fires, and blocking freeways/interstates.
  • The national guard has set up a check points for locals to verify anyone passing through are safe.
  • When celebs show up, everyone plays nice. All the videos online are partial videos, all the real stuff is on the cutting room floor.

Shame on you, Jane Fonda. And Bette Miller!? I’m heartbroken that you fell for this garbage and are promoting dangerous situations without any research at all.  I was your biggest fan.  😞

When someone dies senselessly, it will be on you.  My prayers are that it won’t come to that; however, thanks to your support, every angry person with an ax to grind is descending on my American hometown.  With guns. Thanks for being less than awesome.

If Only My Pelvis Had Hinges

On the road map to being a successful writer, the next stop is Blogs and Content.blog-or-not   For non-techies that just want to write? There’s a bigger opportunity of living your dream as a successful writer with ’em than without.

Not surprisingly, a blog is a practical way for writers to get the attention of agents and editors.  Hey, have you heard the one about the writer who got discovered on the net and now there’s a movie deal? How’s that happen? Get techie now.

Blogs are as necessary as writing itself!  Disappointing news for someone that still doesn’t have functional drop down menus after a year.  Or two.

grandma

Please don’t leave comments about the wonderful YouTube Tutorials.  It’s not you(tube); it’s me!

Functionality aside, it’s the content that has me stalled.  What do I have to say that anyone wants to read?  Well, I’m pretty crafty and love to share ideas.  Turns out, there’s a lot more projects in the name of blogging than actual blogging.

1000’s of pictures to download and share.  Writing? Not so much.

Another passion?  Kidlit, AKA Children’s Literature.  What a blast, getting to share and promote super fun books, authors… even contests and classes!  Which would be more effective if when this blog thingy is figured out!  Maybe someday I’ll be able to feature snippets of my own published stories (insert  yellow Caution tape here).

Of course, sharing my thoughts and observations once in a while isn’t so bad.  If you can appreciate crazy.img_20150728_151001403

I got a whole bag of crazy right here.  

Bring your own butterfly net and it’s on.

My “Go2 Bestie’s” have been asking me to write the random goofiness that is Yvette.   Not that I’m a daredevil or party with rock stars.  (Except for Joel, but that was before the band and MTV video).  Anyhoo, let’s just say I inadvertently bring joy to people in a sitcom tv kinda way.  Lack of common sense + misguided determination + partial hearing loss = happy to entertain you. Again.img_20150723_171302092

Unbelievable but true stories are really fun to tell.  Writing them is very different.  For many folks, without the benefit of hearing word tonality, a story can be skewed in an unintended direction  As a writer, it’s my job to convey that tonality.  Someday I will be proud to do just that.  But I’m not there yet.

You may be wondering, “What the?  What about the Hinged Pelvis?” Stay with me.

Building content that includes kidlit, projects and my crazy is tricky.  It would be inappropriate for a child read about “adult” me.  Role modeling!!

Two blogs are not an option; until I can afford a personal assistant with all the money I’m gonna make writing. *snort!*  Yet I think my Besties are on to something.  It’s possible I could concentrate on editing the inappropriate-ness while maintaining the goofy.  Let’s find out!

If Only My Pelvis Had Hinges

A Conversation Shortcut With A Go2 Bestie.

Y: Hey, the pelvis is a bone. Not cartilage, right?

G2B: Yep.  Pretty sure that area needs some extra protection.

Y:  Yeah.  But cartilage would make life easier, don’t you think?

G2B: My cesarean scar agrees with you.

Y:  Um, I was thinking of riding horses or bikes; but there’s that, too.  If we have to have the bone, we should be able to add hinges so we can open and close it like the trunk of a car.

G2B: Hell Yes! No more C-Sections, epidurals…Labor!  (Aggressively pointing a spatula at her boys rolling and punching each other on the floor).  No more labor!!

Y: Correct, Mother of four.  No more Pitocin, no more stitches. No more cold salad splitter tong things, either.  Woot! 

G2B: Oh! We could get in there and really deep clean.  Re-arrange stuff when necessary and tossing out the “excess” (pinching her muffin top).  I’m so in.

Y:  We would have to close up shop for regular maintenance to keep everything fit and operating smoothly.

G2B:  Yes and yes.  Oil change and tune-up, please.  In her sweetest voice, “So sorry, Sweetie.  Closed for repairs.”  

Y: Three boys and a toddler princess will rub that protective coating right off, I imagine.  Y’know, last week I locked the keys in the Nissan again.  It was a pain to get into, since we only have one key.  You wouldn’t believe how much I got done waiting for Mitch!

G2B: I’m just saying, sometimes a girl needs to be alone with her thoughts, right?  (Then turns, threatening a lifetime of pink shirts to whoever gets hurt next.)

Y:  Personally, I’m up for a re-alignment and overhaul. Adjust the settings, tweak the gear shaft, add some lube and get ‘er humming right.

G2B: I would lock the keys in, too.  Anything for some peace.

Y: Lock the keys in now and then!  The only way to open that bad boy is with affection, wine, cuddling, chick flix and chocolate.  Any experienced locksmith should know how to jimmy the lock from there! (Lots of giggling now).  

G2B: Add more wine!

Y: Not only that, we would have the keys to our daughters’ hinged pelvis, too.

G2B: If only!  Think of all the pain and heartache that would save.  I’m in.  A thousand times in.

Y:  I worry though.  If my pelvis had hinges, would it turn into another place to stuff things?

G2B: Hoarder.  Whoa…Turn That Down!!  Could you excuse me?scrollsWriting for children is a passion, sharing projects puts the fun in functional. Telling stories is like breathing. It doesn’t matter if it’s for kids or adults, as long as I keep it clean for all to enjoy.  If and when someone gets offended, well; that’s a bummer and more than likely unintentional.  Please accept my apology in advance.

Gtrukod has blessed me with some very attentive angels that have taken over the wheel many times.  Often, not until everyone has had a good laugh and mostly before people (me) gets hurt. If my crazy makes you giggle too, then I guess my job is done.

 If you’re still with me, thanks! Hope you enjoy a peaceful Happy Thanksgiving! ~Y

The Chronicle Books Gift Guide: Our Top Picks of the Year — Chronicle Books Blog

Yay!  They All Saw a Cat, by Brendan Wenzel Made Chronicle Books Top Pick of the Year!  We adore this book and are new fans.  Congratulations! Read all about it here:

Give books this holiday. The post The Chronicle Books Gift Guide: Our Top Picks of the Year appeared first on Chronicle Books Blog.

via The Chronicle Books Gift Guide: Our Top Picks of the Year — Chronicle Books Blog